AYO, been a smidge since last newspost, figured I’d write up another thing, since a LOT has changed.
January was probably one of the most stressful months of my life, and when I say stressful I moreso mean very overwhelming. There’s a few reasons for that, which are all sorta connected but also separated. Main thing is of course, Friday Night Funkin. And that’s divided into a few different things. Most obvious being that it was a lot of work through January, as we were pushing the Christmas update that slipped past Christmas, but then IMMEDIATELY after that, we were trying to get out an update for Pixel Day, so with all of that it ended up being about close to a full month of work on my mind. Maybe that’s not so bad, but also there’s something about the fact that the game just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger, so that was weighing on me in a weird way, not exactly negative way, just weird. And then in January I also got CANCELLED. I do have a lot more thoughts about that situation, but for now I’ll say it did NOT help productivity or my mental state having to go through that lolol.
And then to top it all off, I was going through a lot of different things in my personal life. Hard to explain, but the situation was pretty dire, to the point where if anything good would happen, whether it the crew getting notoriety, or something cool happening, or some interaction, it all sorta felt sucked away whenever this personal thing came into my mind. So even with any and all success the game may have been having, it was VERY hard to enjoy it most of the time, at least through January.
I remember in Indie Game The Movie, one of the things that Edmund and Tommy quote to each other is “the hardest part of success is finding people who can be happy for you”, and it was partly that situation I think. At the beginning of January in my other post I mentioned how it was a bit hard for me to find myself talking to my friends or anyone about Friday Night Funkin’, where it felt like that’s all I talk about and feels like I’m only talking about my problems and all that. I could share things that made me feel good about myself with a few of my friends, which is fine and all that, but as soon as there’s even just a single person who you WANT to share something with, but you can’t because it feels like you’re bragging, or feels like you’ve been disconnected from them and you’re only talking to them to talk about yourself, or you feel like it’s been the only thing that you’ve been talking to them about, then once you DON’T have that, it’s as if you don’t even have the success at all. It's hard to describe exactly how much it really weighed on me through January. There were moments where I would wake up and have it on my mind, and then obsess over it for the rest of the day. Or I would see one little thing and then it would derail my whole day of being productive. Stuff like that where it genuinely impacted my life and mental state.
I think since then I’ve found myself to appreciate the homies I got and knowing that even if I don’t see it all personally, I do think that there’s a lot of people happy for me and my success, whether I interact and talk with them directly about it to see them happy. I do remember what it was like when I had NO friends, no one to talk to about anything. At this point in time I’m very grateful that I have a very strong support structure of people around me who keep it real. Right now I’m still in a bit of a state where I feel guilty whenever Friday Night Funkin’ comes up in any conversation I have, and maybe I DO talk about it too much. But it’s kinda hard to NOT talk about it. Whenever I separate myself from it all, I do see that I genuinely do love working on it and just in general I think it’s an awesome as fuk game. And cool shit is happenin because I’m a cool ass bitch, basically what the whole situation boils down to.