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ninjamuffin99
I like Newgrounds stuufff

Cameron muffin99 @ninjamuffin99

Age 22

Money

Middle School Dropout

Toronto, Canada

Joined on 10/2/15

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ninjamuffin99's News

Posted by ninjamuffin99 - 7 days ago


i visited the newgrounds visit back in december, and I left my electric toothbrush there and i havent been back there yet to get it.


and when we went to a bar, tom fulp ordered mac and cheese.


56

Posted by ninjamuffin99 - 3 weeks ago


THOUGHT UPDATE SUMMER 2022

Been a while since my last little UPDATE post here on Newgrounds. Of course I’ve been pretty damn busy for a while now, with nearly all my WORK FOCUS being on Friday Night Funkin’. For a while I was in mode of getting a buncho tax stuff sorted out, Kickstarter newspost writing, lawyers, biz shit, etc. List goes on for all of that. It feels like excuses and whatnot whenever mentioned. For a while it was a hard focus on that while game programming focus dwelled, but lately I’ve been dipping my toes back into programming, hopefully regaining a bit of that balance.


At the end of March / early April I visited my family back on the west coast of Canada. Right when FNF started becoming crazy hyper popular (late 2020), I moved across Canada, away from all of my family and my life, to Kitchener, Ontario. Compared to my hometown (100 Mile House, BC), Kitchener is GIANT lol. It was definitely something I had to get used to, my new life in Kitchener, and my new life online with FNF. Visiting family was good for me, I finished Avatar Last Airbender with my lil bros and that shit was yummy. But right after I regained my stamina, I hopped back into work. Sorting out FNF tax bullshit, gettin numbers, and just over a year after moving across the country, life tossed me into another MOVE.


It’s been hard to collect my thoughts, a lot of things happening all at once it feels like again. If I had more time / less responsibilities I would spend a week or so to put my brain into making a lil video game, and I really do wish I could. I find it hard to work on small projects that are outside of FNF, especially when it feels like we’re behind on work and have to play a bit of catch up. Feels like there’s higher priority work to get done than working on a dinky game for a weekend, so it’s in this perpetual thing of thinking that a new game would refresh you, but also feeling like after making a new game, you’d become exhausted.


Anyways, here are essentially a collection of things in my brain that been on my mind I decide to write about.


THE UBER EATS ERA + HEALTH

I think my health has been very on and off, but on a general UPWARD TREND. Beginning of 2021 I was a little ubereats freak because: 1) I now lived in a major city 2) Covid lockdowns 3) FNF money was rolling in so I could ball out like a dumbass and get ubereats and not worry about it. It wasn’t some glamorous life, was usually a rotation of either burger, shawarma, pizza, or maybe sushi if I was feeling saucy. Thinking back to those days though is filled with a little bit of DREAD however lolol. That was early FNF era. Staying up til the sun rose, and getting food delivered in one of the most stressful times in my life (so far).


It took me a long time to get out of it, ubereats became a genuine habit that was hard to break. During the “worst” of it, I remember feeling odd about making myself a bowl of oatmeal and being like “woah, I didn’t have to wait for someone to deliver this”. Before that, which was a few weeks before FNF kickstarter, I visited my family. My foster mom and her dad both told me that I looked a bit more chunky and gained a bit of weight lolol. Both of those instances were a bit of wakeup call lololol


It was really hard to snap out of it for a long time. I visited my family in August 2021, and that definitely helped. It’s the classic ass shit of hard to stop something when you don’t even see it as a problem, and for most of the spring/summer of 2021 it was just my life. September I started to cook for myself more and more, and that definitely helped get myself out of it. It started with the easiest things for myself to eat and cook, boiling shitty hotdogs, but as the month went on I baked some nice bread, made myself chilli, cooked up some tasty spinach… stuff… Along with that, whenever I wanted junk food, I would at least PHYSICALLY go to the fast food place to get stuff. UberEats is bullshit because it tempts you to order MORE FOOD if u got that ubereats pass or whatever, where you get free delivery if you order over 15$. SO that leads to ordering more food, and bigger portions, etc. etc. Tricks ur brain into eatin more!!! At the very least with going to a place physically, I had a bit more restraint, was easier to both SPEND less and EAT less. I can get a tiny ass mcdonalds burger for like 2$ instead of getting the full ass combo meal with whatever bullshit extra for 15$+!!!! I could get just a single slice of pizza for 2$ instead of ordering giant pizza for myself for 20$ or so!!!! You may be reading all of this and thinking I am a dumbass, but hey thats the life baybeeee thats the shit that no one tells you about.

When I visited my family just a few weeks ago, my foster mom told me I “looked healthier” so I’ll take that as progress.


It's hard to change mentality and habits, but it all starts with first little steps and stages. Sometimes you gotta cook hotdogs everyday for the greater good of yourself.


THERAPY

Since about June 2021 I’ve been going to THERAPY. It was all a bit triggered by certain aspects of FNF development during that time, and aspects of my life. I’m not too hesitant about aspects like this in my life, although I haven’t really talked about any of it with any of my friends. This is the exclusive scoop. None of it really was too jarring for me. When I was in high school I’ve been to COUNSELLING and talking about my THOUGHTS and all that, and also from some of my previous games and newsposts, I didn’t have too hard of a time OPENING UP or any of that.


So far I can definitely say it’s been positive. One is that early on it was something to get me out of the house. As mentioned, I started it in June 2021, during a time when I was still staying awake until 7AM or so, and then sleeping until 4-5PM. Working on FNF, I really can make my own schedule, but having no format for myself, it was hard to figure out something healthy. Having somewhere physical I HAD to be definitely helped get me out of the habit of being a hermit in my room for days on end. Since I woke up later in the day, there definitely could have been a streak of a few days when I didn't see sunlight at all. Nothing too dire, but it definitely was rough, and does affect you.


It’s almost always productive to talk about yourself and get your thoughts out with someone else, I think professional therapy can help with a different (and potentially more productive) INSIGHT than if you were to just talk to your close friends. It’s 100% good to have a circle of support in some form, and I think that counselling/therapy is a nice little extension to that. Not everyone has the FINANCES for that though.


I’ve moved cities. Right now I’m sorta in the process of figuring out closing things with therapist, since I can’t really make the 3hr trip from Toronto to Kitchener just for about an hours worth of therapy. And virtual therapy stuff got me snooze!!!


PERSONAL FINANCE AND CYCLE OF POVERTY

Here’s something that can be it’s own newspost entirely. PERSONAL FINANCE. I’ll be honest that it’s hard to know how it all works. The term CYCLE OF POVERTY is a bit applicable. I grew up generally poor-ish. When you grow up, you don’t really know any life outside of the one you have. Things like budgeting, saving, even INVESTING. Already those subjects can be difficult on their own to learn, but if you grow up with those things pretty VOID from your life entirely, it can be extra hard to pull yourself out of that situation. I got very lucky with Friday Night Funkin’ where it’s a JOB that pays well, and it’s stable (I won’t be let go anytime soon). And if we pull things off right, it maybe could even be a decent little seller when it’s all done. But that’s just one aspect of it all. That’s the JOB aspect. It doesn’t matter if you have a job where you make pennies, or if you work at some tech corp making 100k/year, if you don’t at least SOMEWHAT keep track of your money, you can fall to a life of paycheque to paycheque.


There are certain financial skills you do learn as a poor person. You do have the ability to STRETCH money. You can make a little bit of money last long. But making BIG money last is a different story. There are countless stories of people luckier than I am, LOTTERY WINNERS, who make ACTUAL millions (as opposed to FNF Kickstarter money, which is COMPANY money, not personal ninjamuffin99 bank account money). The situation is even a bit closer with athletes who lose all of their fortune, who are often young when they’re in their prime, and very similarly get a LOT of their wealth all at once. I recommend THIS article by Investopedia. One thing it mentions is the athletes who sorta ‘artificially’ stretch their money, by sorting out their own payments and paying themselves a salary of sorts (opposed to big lump sums from contracts, sponsorships, etc.).


For ourselves / FNF team, we sorta just tossed ourselves enough coin for a year’s worth of development, and then when next year rolls around, pay ourselves again. This was partly because it’s easy to just pay ourselves once, rather than on bi-weekly basis. However I do feel like for myself I might want to look into that. When you look into your bank account, and you see a large number, it becomes hard to see it long term. Off the top of your head, maybe you can nicely calculate the taxes you’d have to pay on it, maybe even how much rent per year that gets bitten out of it. But you lose sight of other things. It becomes a number that you slowly watch decrease as the year goes on. Maybe you see $10,000, just sitting there. How far does that get YOU? When you’re poor, you’re barely used to seeing $1,000 in your bank account sitting there, hell, maybe you’re barely even used to seeing $100 sitting there. A little over 2.5 years ago, I had no job/income, and every week me and my family looked forward to when we can pick up food from the food bank, and we lived like that for quite a time before that.


That was the life I knew just a few years ago, which was less than a year before Friday Night Funkin’ became successful. This section sorta calls back a bit to the UberEats section. I had a bit of poor spending habits, AND I didn’t have a life of INDULGENCES growing up, so when I got it, well, that’s what you’d call LIFESTYLE INFLATION. As mentioned earlier in newspost, I’m glad I don’t get ubereats anymore lol.


You can be raised to climb, but learning how not to fall is the real shit. I won’t be a dipshit and shill NFT’s or bitcoin or some shit, I really won’t be a chump and give ANY real financial advice. I’ll just say you should STAY VERY MINDFUL OF IT. If you’d describe yourself as POOR, you’re not only fighting the uphill battle, but you’ll be fighting to stay at the top and not fall back down again. Actually I lied here’s my advice. If you happen to stumble into a large lump sum of money, pay your debts off. Get a credit card and build credit if you don't already. If you’re smart enough, save your money for a good school or university.

Over time I feel like I’ve slowly gotten warmer to the idea of college or some shit like that, but that topic is it’s own separate post. If there is any takeaway to this post, it’s to LEARN GOOD PERSONAL FINANCE. I CANNOT GIVE ANY GOOD ADVICE BECAUSE I AM IN THE PROCESS OF DOING SO MYSELF!!!


ALSO JUST TO ASSURE PEOPLE AND FRIDAY NIGHT FUNKIN’ KICKSTARTER BACKERS, this whole personal finance situation is VERY different than the FNF biz finance side of things. That’s why it’s called PERSONAL finance! We aren’t reckless with FNF funds, it’s a bit interesting that way, but having company money in a company bank account also makes you look at things differently that way. It’s easier to feel like we can stretch that money out and handle it nicely. We pay people who do awesome work when we need to pay them, we pay our lawyers and accountants and all that, and we pay for things such as Kickstarter rewards and all that when we need to, and we pay ourselves (since that was the point of the Kickstarter in the first place). Money sits there otherwise. I think having us as a TEAM helps it out. If it was a SOLO VENTURE, it might be easier to be tempted to dip into the Funkin’ fund for personal expenditures, but having it be essentially the TEAM’S money, it’s easier to use it for the GREATER GOOD or whatever. In general though, it’s not really some devilish temptation of ours to spend a couple million on ourselves instead of making a video game, lol.


87

Posted by ninjamuffin99 - June 30th, 2022


https://www.newgrounds.com/wiki/about-newgrounds/history/meets-and-events/toronto-meet-2022


A recap of the Toronto 2022 Newgrounds meet can be found on the WIKI. thanku to tom for lettin me cook that up since it doesn't have image caps, thank u to everyone who showed up


I'll toss up an imgur album with a lot more photos in full high quality in the morning or so I think.

iu_681293_5520715.webp

installling FNF on wendys self serve kiosk

GO READ WIKI FOR TORONTO MEET AND FEEL BAD THAT YOU MISSED OUT


HERE ARE A FEW OF MY FAV PHOTOS

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iu_681311_5520715.webp

iu_681312_5520715.webp


86

Posted by ninjamuffin99 - May 29th, 2022


NEWGROUNDS TORONTO MEETUP 

WHEN:

JUNE 25TH 2022, SATURDAY, ABOUT 2PM-ISH I THINK WOULD BE PLEASANT


WHERE:

College Park on Yonge Street, Toronto, Canada - initial meet and chill (that little nice outside area)

then 

Fran's Restaurant and Bar, 20 College Street (right around the corner from College Park)


WHO:

AGES 19+ (DRINKING AGE IN ONTARIO CANADA), NO ONE UNDERAGE BECAUSE WE WILL GO INTO BAR AND YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED IN LOL!!! SORRY!!!!


WHAT?:

I recently moved to Toronto, and I am all ALONE. Toronto is a pretty damn big city, so there’s gotta be a buncho Newgrounds people creepin’ around here. So I am organizing a TORONTO MEET UP!!!!


Idea is we pull up to COLLEGE PARK (near the corner of Yonge and College), nice midsummer day, and then we hit FRANS, a nice little BAR…. that means you MUST BE AT LEAST 19 YEARS OLD AND HAVE VALID PHOTO ID, ALL THAT BULLSHIT TO GET INTO BARS TO DRINK ALCOHOL.

If this meet goes pleasantly, can prob do anotha one maybe in the fall thats more all ages. But for now it is AGES 19+!!!!


Already I’ve sent a few feelers out there, and have a solid list of people rollin’, so it won’t be a DUD meetup.


COOL PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKELY TO ROLL UP IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

@snackers

@luis

@ninjamuffin99 (me >.<)

@thriftman

@wandaboy

@henryeyes

@siximpala

@potatoman

@ConnorGrail

@KOLANI

@droid

@frosstyart


A few of these fellas happen to be flying in, but no pressure on you to do so. In my brain, I can see this as just a lowkey little event for the locals, nothing like some big Pico Day party, just to set expectations and all that. If you wanna make a trip out of it for yourself go for it, if you’re down the street and feel like popping by, also go for it.


If you think you are DEFINITELY down to pull thru, shout about it in da replies. Getting a gauge on who’s coming, and how many people is very exciting and fun heheh. (and maybe there can be some memento for people who pull thru….)


iu_651216_5520715.gif


after frans will prob go more hanging around and bar hopping around XD


Tags:

93

Posted by ninjamuffin99 - April 25th, 2022


what is your favorite anime?


iu_616676_5520715.gif


106

Posted by ninjamuffin99 - January 22nd, 2022


me and @phantomarcade were interviewed about rhythm games and friday night funkin and newgrounds and it was in a cute little article on WIRED so go take a look we dont do any dweeb ass press shit or nothing like that, it feels a bit self indulgent, but we like to talk about newgrounds and rhythm games and thats what we did in this hehe


also has other insights from people like @fizzd about his game Rhythm Doctor!! The article is much more than just FNF stuff, goes into general rhythm gaming!!!!

https://www.wired.com/story/rhythm-games-indie-comeback/

(protip if wired website is busted and asks for a subscription or somethin, try openin it up in incognito mode)


125

Posted by ninjamuffin99 - January 2nd, 2022


i moved to city and made successful viral internet video game and all my hopes and dreams in life came true more people use newgrounds and i started socializing myself more and more and i have learned to better manage my time and money and productivity and I have a general better outlook on life after the many ups and downs of success and fortune when most people do not make it out of the other side, because you cannot comprehend what its like going thru something like this until you have done it and very few people even get a taste of what we have gotten with our success and very few ever will but we keep on moving forward and keep it real with each other I love all my friends in no particular order phantomarcade and wandaboy and snackers and deegeemin and arkoirisangel and henry and mkmaffo god bless you mkmaffo u are a hero and isaac kawaisprite and i am really glad i got to meet and become friends with a lot more people thru 2021 both online and in real life because in real life i have very few and little friends shoutouts to katt from siximpala who shows me around toronto when me and my roommate loganphresh and i lov u katt u and the work u do wit da whole siximpala crew is very inspiring shoutouts to frosstyart i met up with u a little over a month ago for lunch we need to meet up again my friend it was a pleasure and shoutouts to connorgrail it was cool to have lunch with you while you were passing through kitchener shoutouts karlestonchew who i met about a week ago or so u are a very handsome boy and it was fun having u at the place and i lov u foursnail who is a very interesting and charming boy it has been very cool to meet more and more internet creatives this year and socialize myself because for many years i did not socialize myself with real life people i went to fanexpo in toronto in october and i met sabtastic and she was a real sweet heart she gave me a free print i love those skateboarding ducks and also she gave me a free pin and in general she was a pleasure to talk to and i really enjoyed talking to sabtastic about newgrounds and with all that being said i think that whatever weird fame has made me recluse from interactions with online people just a tiny bit but i try my best to maintain and support my friendships but i am but one boy trying to do so much i think about friends i used to talk to and when i do i try to message them and also in 2021 i was exercising a lot specifically going running nearly every single day for a few months but i stopped doing that also in 2021 i have gone thru quite a few woman woes but nothing dire moreso just very funny situations guys you have to believe me i am not an incel i interact with women close to the end of the year i have been seeing this one girl and she is very sweet and pretty and so far so good pray for me im trying my best and i could not have done it without the experiences i have gone thru so i am blessed and appreciate even the things that stress me out at one point or another and thats what i mean when i say that i have a better outlook on things and very important especially when having pretty much life changing moments such as kickstarter or viral success or anything i think you need to remain as grounded as possible and thats why i love my friends who i talk to and have known for years and thats why i love newgrounds because newgrounds isnt weird clout chasing freaks and its not people trying to appease algorithm its people just making good shit fuk u friday night funkin fans who are bitching about week 7 not on itchio bitch its on newgrounds so cry about it we are making awesome shit and that takes time and post this on twitter crying about it haha lol i kiss girls because i love newgrounds so much actually its funny i went on a date with a girl and she asked me what i loved most in the world so it gave me the excuse to talk to her about newgrounds so it is true that newgrounds will get you bitches so keep crying about week 7 tankman not being on itchio we r busy talking to women in real life try to keep up bro, i spend 90% of my life on the internet but the less you spend on stuff like twitter and these social media places the better and less anxious filled your life will be at least that is my own experience i have spent less and less time on twitter since about september and my life is good i dont give a fuk about whatever dipshit friday night funkin twitter drama so stop asking me about it if you indulge in twitter drama i pity you i really do i think you will genuinely have more fulfillment out of life if you uninstall twitter from your phone also earlier when i was writing people i love and appreciate if u r in my life and i interact and talk with you just know that i really do appreciate u as well just u know how it is with these posts where you shoutout your friends its always hard to remember everyone but also shoutouts jeff for being an old bitch but also an old bitch with fatherly wisdom jeff if your reading this go cry about something on twitter lmfao you loser lmfao lmfao lmfao lmfao lmfao lmfao sorry jeff bro u know im just having fun around here and yeah i think that summarizes what i was up to thru 2021 also wait a second i need to edit this post and add something quick at the beginning of december i visited the newgrounds office and left canada for the first time ever in my life i visited phantomarcade and ivanalmighty and spazkid and tom fulp and johnnyutah jeff and we went out drinking with luis and everyone was awesome and i will visit again and that was some awesome shit to end out 2021


have u ever heard of friday night funking.


also this is one of my fav songs of 2021 i lov u isaac


153

Posted by ninjamuffin99 - October 2nd, 2021


I HAVE BEEN ON NEWGROUNDS FOR 6 YEARS. If you’ve been paying attention to anything whatsoever, you already know that the past year has been very crazy. At this time last year was when we started development of Friday Night Funkin’. I wrote last years post, and then the Ludum Dare began the next day. Started workin on it with PhantomArcade, Kawaisprite, and evilsk8r, and the rest is sorta history. In the context of my Newgrounds experience, something FNF has brought a lot of these drastic changes to how I use and think about the site. Over the year I went from this little NG dipshit who loved Newgrounds, to uhhhh, the most followed person in the history of the website ever, with the most popular submission on the website ever. In the wise words of Kanye, “It’s hard to be humble when you stuntin’ on a jumbotron”. I try to be a good model Newgrounds citizen of sorts, I think most people who know me know I do have a lot of genuine appreciation for Newgrounds. I try to keep things cool and welcoming for the many new people who are joining Newgrounds. I don’t think that Newgrounds is some sacred place that needs protecting from weird newcomers, I think that people who join do so because of mostly genuine interest in the site and culture, and they’d want to be a part of it no less than anyone else. It’s been very cool and inspiring to see all the newcomers hop in recently. It is weird to think about the fact that by now, me and a lot of my friends are these Newgrounds veterans by now. Been around the block and know the site and what it’s about, and been through these different sorta era’s of NG lol.


When I say Friday Night Funkin’ happened because of Newgrounds, I feel like everyone knows that I mean it. It’s at the point with FNF that feels like it’s so wildly successful that it now feels impossible for anything to compare to, like some lightning in a bottle, survivorship bias type beat. I hope that rather than that, people look at FNF and see what’s POSSIBLE. FNF is a free, open source, Newgrounds rhythm web game, in an era when no huge giant hits have come out of Newgrounds web games. Even if people had a SLIVER of the success that FNF has had, say, 300,000 views or whatever. Just a few years ago, something like that feels like some crazy unrealistic expectation. And hey, maybe it still is, and my brain is just skewed. A game with a million views? Don’t even think about it. It can never happen…. Until it does.

Newgrounds isn’t past it’s golden age. People are still becoming a part of the site, thriving, and then becoming very successful in their creative endeavours. I don’t think those types of success stories have ever gone away. Even through the “darker ages” of the site, people like Miroko have worked on notable indie game projects like Gato Roboto, animators from the site have worked with Studio Yotta on major shows like Animaniacs, and Rick and Morty, and of course, AMONG US. With all that being said, I don’t want the take away being “use Newgrounds and you will be successful!”, obv that’s unrealistic. But I think what I’m aiming towards is that to this day, you can still thrive creatively, which can often lead to success. You can be dedicated to Newgrounds without feeling like you’re shooting yourself in the foot. You don’t need to slog through years of pandering to some weird algorithms on other sites until it magically blesses you, instead you can have genuine joy in being a part of a community, as you all inspire each other, collaborate, and become better creatives together. Feels like time has flown by since I joined Newgrounds, like I just woke up one day and I became a game designer, like I just magically learned how to make music. When I joined the site, I didn't know how to program, I didn't know how to make music, and I didn't know how to make art (I still don't lol). All that pretty much comes from years of using the site and just making projects with friends for fun on various whims. Even longer projects turn out to be just projects I decided to wake up and work on one day. The classic story of exactly 1 year ago, I wrote my 5 Years on NG post. I woke up next day around noon, saw that the Ludum Dare game jam was happening in a few hours, and decided to hit up some artists I knew to see who wanted to work on a game with me. I normally wouldn’t have considered him, but I only hit up PhantomArcade originally because he left a comment on my post I wrote saying that me and him should work on a game together again at some point, and I wanted to see if he’d put his money where his mouth is. Evilsk8r I didn’t even know until we started working on FNF, he was tossed my way from a mutual friend we have. But he did awesome ass art and seemed chill. And of course Kawaisprite was sorta my easy go to musician. He did music on Ritz and he still is one of my fav musicians on the site. The most viewed submission on Newgrounds ever came from a whim like that really. Of course we got lucky with everything, but certain successes I feel can be directly attributed to Newgrounds, whether it’s inspiration, our mindset, or the general supportive community we have. I don’t think there’s anything more special to me than when I posted some of the first ever preview vids of FNF, and a lot of the replies to the twitter thread was pals, and people from Newgrounds community genuinely proud of the work that we put into the game over that first weekend. We push FNF to be the best game it can be for us, but we push it to be the best for Newgrounds just as much I feel. Through and through, FNF is a pure NEWGROUNDS game, and that’s probably the thing we’re most proud of with it. Thank u all



282

Posted by ninjamuffin99 - September 13th, 2021


i turn 22 today and playboi carti (@sircartier) turns 25 today as well, go wish that nice fella a happy bday today too.


I'll give a few quick lil updates. I think I've been doing really good lately. I feel like anytime I say something like that I get anxious that I'm just jinxing things. I feel like if you go through ups and downs it's easy to feel like you've solved all your life problems when things are going good, only for them to fall apart once you sorta acknowledge it like that. alcoholic stops going to AA because they stop drinking, and "solve" their alcoholism. They think they aren't alcoholics anymore, so they maybe have a few sips here and there, and then the cycle starts all over. I do even get cautious about making personal progress like that and sometimes even get stressed about it. Even writing it right now! Could this all just be me falling back into the PITS? Who knows but saying it like that seems a bit overdramatic.


making and being a part of friday night funkin has had it's ups and downs, as with any project ever. Looking back and seeing ourselves get through the down moments fills me with confidence that we're going to be able to make it to the other side. theres a lot of dynamics to making a game, and especially one with the ambition that FNF is going to have. You obviously want to have a project to have very little halt points, but its inevitable. I'm very grateful to have a project like Friday Night Funkin. I think just in past few weeks I've improved a lot as a programmer, as well as a game developer / designer. There's been a lot of prototyping and whatnot I've been doing with FNF, and it's been very much a joy to be whipping fresh cool new things up that no one has thought of and think of how to implement and all that.


alongside FNF, as the year went on so far, I feel like I've become more and more detached from things. first half of year everything was going so fast, and we couldn't pay attention to any of it, so by the time we really could take a step back and see where everything was, it was even more overwhelmingly anxious. less so about the game itself, more so about everything AROUND the game. Interacting with people, not only in the Newgrounds community, but BIZ people, community people like modders, youtubers, streamers. Interacting with GAMES INDUSTRY people, even adjacently, it's all strange whiplash. did you guys know that MULTIPLE record labels have tried to contact us to get some wacky deal sorted out? we neglect those guys generally because we kinda hate them. we like being independent with FNF.

when i say being detached, i mean its almost hard to believe that most of this stuff is real, and if I think about it too much it genuinely does fill me with a good amount of stress and anxiety. I think as time goes on I personally have been dealing with it better. The grind for kickstarter / week 7 stuff was really rough on us. I don't know if I talked about it too much. I would wake up from stress dreams somewhat regularly during that time. I remember one time I had a dream that I accidentally leaked everything and the surprise was all ruined and i felt like a major dipshit in my dream lol. but shit like that. it was VERY hard to think about anything other than the game at that time.

I visited my family back in march/april and for a long time I really felt guilty about it, because all I did was work on the game. Last year I moved across the country of Canada, and it was months and months since I saw any of my family or siblings. I was going through a lot with not just the game, but with quite a few aspects in my personal life at the time, and I felt like it'd be a good experience to go back and visit. But we were heavy into week 7 / kickstarter setup stuff, every day felt like it was just a few days away from releasing. I probably saw my brothers for just an hour out of the week, and my sister for maybe 2-3 hours and we ate sum dinner at our foster moms place, otherwise it was just coding week 7 stuff in her basement as my "vacation". I really felt guilty about it that i neglected all my siblings, and its always hard to know where the line is drawn. all that work was definitely needed for the game, and even if i WANTED to, would I have been able to take an ACTUAL break? my mind at the time couldnt think of anything else. do the ends justify the means or whatever? hard to know the sacrifices that get made. we did get the kickstarter out as well as week 7, and both were awesome. it took a long while before i stopped feeling guilty about that situation though, probably until early august, when i visited my grandparents and my siblings were there, and I took a REAL break from things, and spent good time with them all. after that I think I've really been getting back into programming and game work in a meaningful way, less "PTSD" LOL.


I've been slowly getting through all my Newgrounds PMs. It's funny to be back in March and seeing people ask about week 7 lol. I GOT THE WOUNDS BUT I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH. I try to respond to a decent chunk, specifically saying thanks if people say something nice. i remember messaging the stardew valley creator dude when I was like 16 and to this day it still is really meaningful to me, so hopefully i can pay it forward somewhat. shoutouts to tom too for answering PMs pretty much always he da real one. I cant answer all of them, but i can guarantee that I've so far read every single PM since March now. Slowly gettin thru them alll.....


on that topic i will say i appreciate being a part of modern newgrounds culture and community and im thankful for all the people on this site, and all of my friends. i used to not have any friends so i genuinely have appreciation and love to all the friends i have, whether they're old or new friends.

imma snooze now this was very rambley so if u read thru all dis u a real one. keep it real


my bday wish .... hmmmm........ what could it be......... i'll never tell..........


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Posted by ninjamuffin99 - August 15th, 2021


it is a national holiday i hope no one forgot


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