it is a national holiday i hope no one forgot

https://youtu.be/gpnQhbOMQDA

[Chorus: Travis Scott & Don Toliver]

No, you can't say if I'm mad or not

Smokin' hella weed, I'm on that alcohol

Shawty lick me clean the way she suck me off

I keep two hoes in my bed, I got 'em turnin' out

What would you do if you heard I got it goin' on?

I had to burn, I left "skrrt" marks, I had to dip (I had to)

Gotta watch for 12 'round my town, you might get killed (Better watch for 12)

I'm out my mind, yeah, I'm high above the rim (I'm out my mind)

You cop it live, boy, I got it all on film

[Verse 1: Travis Scott]

You gotta watch out where you rock 'cause shit get real

Drink too real, I can't be fake, don't know the feel

Gotta take a long drive up the hill

Gang too wavy, move like Navy Seals

I'm too wavy, think I need a Lyft

Chicago baby, she just wanna drill

The vibe's too wavy, it's too hard to kill

Gotta watch out where you go 'cause shit get real

[Interlude: Don Toliver & Fat Pat]

Uh-huh, yeah

Swang, when I swang, when I swang to the left

Oh, yeah

Po—pop my trunk, dip—dip—dip—dip

Oh my

[Chorus: Don Toliver]

You can't say if I'm mad or nah

Smokin' hella weed, I'm on that alcohol

And shawty lick me clean the way she suck me off

I keep two hoes in my bed, I got 'em turnin' out

What would you do if you heard I got it burnin' out?

I let it burn, "skrrt" that mark, I had to dip (I had to)

Gotta watch for 12 'round my town, you might get killed (Gotta watch for 12)

I'm out my mind, yeah, I'm high above the rim (I'm out my mind)

You cop it live, boy, I got it all on film

[Verse 2: Don Toliver]

You must be cautious, told the lil' hoes I'm all in

Play this ballers offense, I left ol' girl, she callin'

You know I hit in the mornin', oh, yeah, she yawnin'

I met you in the club, bitch, you know this shit mean nothin'

Oh, didn't I hit your cousin? Mmm, no, no discussion

Sippin' on lean, no Robitussin, oh, yeah, I know you love me

I beat it, ain't no cuddlin', you down bad, you sufferin'

I don't give a fuck how hard it get, that lil' bitch know I started this

Uh-huh, oh, yeah, get to the cash, no layup

Spend a big bag, Rodeo, some may ride for the fresh cut

Hoes come through just to touch us, I'ma tell the truth like Usher

You already know how I bust her, slang my chop from Russia

[Interlude: Fat Pat]

Swang, when I swang, when I swang to the left

Pop, pop my trunk, dip, dip, dip, dip

Swang—swang, when I swang, when I swang to the left

Pop, pop my trunk, dip

[Chorus: Travis Scott]

No, you can't say if I'm mad or not

Smokin' hella weed, I'm on that alcohol

Shawty lick me clean the way she suck me off

I keep two hoes in my bed, I got 'em turnin' out

What would you do if you heard I got it goin' on?

I had to burn, I left "skrrt" marks, I had to dip

Gotta watch for 12 'round my town, you might get killed

I'm out my mind, yeah, I'm high above the rim

You cop it live, boy, I got it all on film

On the topic of Kawaisprite, we have reached a settlement out of court, and my attorneys have advised me to give no furthur comment on the subject aside from this statement. I assume his lawyers advised him the same. Friday Night Funkin' development is completely unaffected from these circumstances.

Ritz fans eatin good tonite

@MKMAFFO MADE THEM LOVE THAT MAFFO

i am the new king of newgrounds

i lov every single person on Newgrounds no exceptions. Even you. You know exactly who you are. You. Because you use Newgrounds and I love Newgrounds.

next stop 100K

just kidding, i will never smoke weed.

IT'S FREAKIN PICO DAY!

POST AWESOME BABES

DRAW LIL PICO

MAKE GAME

NEWGROUNDS FOREVER

Shoutouts tomfulp

shoutouts newgrounds

#FreeEgoraptor

AYO, been a smidge since last newspost, figured I’d write up another thing, since a LOT has changed.

January was probably one of the most stressful months of my life, and when I say stressful I moreso mean very overwhelming. There’s a few reasons for that, which are all sorta connected but also separated. Main thing is of course, Friday Night Funkin. And that’s divided into a few different things. Most obvious being that it was a lot of work through January, as we were pushing the Christmas update that slipped past Christmas, but then IMMEDIATELY after that, we were trying to get out an update for Pixel Day, so with all of that it ended up being about close to a full month of work on my mind. Maybe that’s not so bad, but also there’s something about the fact that the game just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger, so that was weighing on me in a weird way, not exactly negative way, just weird. And then in January I also got CANCELLED. I do have a lot more thoughts about that situation, but for now I’ll say it did NOT help productivity or my mental state having to go through that lolol.

And then to top it all off, I was going through a lot of different things in my personal life. Hard to explain, but the situation was pretty dire, to the point where if anything good would happen, whether it the crew getting notoriety, or something cool happening, or some interaction, it all sorta felt sucked away whenever this personal thing came into my mind. So even with any and all success the game may have been having, it was VERY hard to enjoy it most of the time, at least through January. 

I remember in Indie Game The Movie, one of the things that Edmund and Tommy quote to each other is “the hardest part of success is finding people who can be happy for you”, and it was partly that situation I think. At the beginning of January in my other post I mentioned how it was a bit hard for me to find myself talking to my friends or anyone about Friday Night Funkin’, where it felt like that’s all I talk about and feels like I’m only talking about my problems and all that. I could share things that made me feel good about myself with a few of my friends, which is fine and all that, but as soon as there’s even just a single person who you WANT to share something with, but you can’t because it feels like you’re bragging, or feels like you’ve been disconnected from them and you’re only talking to them to talk about yourself, or you feel like it’s been the only thing that you’ve been talking to them about, then once you DON’T have that, it’s as if you don’t even have the success at all. It's hard to describe exactly how much it really weighed on me through January. There were moments where I would wake up and have it on my mind, and then obsess over it for the rest of the day. Or I would see one little thing and then it would derail my whole day of being productive. Stuff like that where it genuinely impacted my life and mental state.

I think since then I’ve found myself to appreciate the homies I got and knowing that even if I don’t see it all personally, I do think that there’s a lot of people happy for me and my success, whether I interact and talk with them directly about it to see them happy. I do remember what it was like when I had NO friends, no one to talk to about anything. At this point in time I’m very grateful that I have a very strong support structure of people around me who keep it real. Right now I’m still in a bit of a state where I feel guilty whenever Friday Night Funkin’ comes up in any conversation I have, and maybe I DO talk about it too much. But it’s kinda hard to NOT talk about it. Whenever I separate myself from it all, I do see that I genuinely do love working on it and just in general I think it’s an awesome as fuk game. And cool shit is happenin because I’m a cool ass bitch, basically what the whole situation boils down to. 

This newspost a bit scattered, just wanted to get some thoughts out there in writing.

December was pretty wacky. In case you haven’t been paying attention, I worked on a game that got 2,000,000 views and kinda went viral. If you look it up on youtube, you’re gonna find videos with hundreds of thousands of views, and if you can scroll for days trying to dig through every piece of fanart on Twitter. It’s definitely been overwhelming to say the least. It absolutely is a dream come true. Any gamedev in my position would murder to have a 1/10th of the attention that Friday Night Funkin has. It’s been pretty much one of the only things on my mind all December, and because of that it also has felt a bit isolating. Even if I can talk with my pals about it, there’s always something in the back of my mind that feels a bit guilty, like I’m always just talking about myself and my problems. It’s overwhelming to look at numbers and compare myself to classics that inspired ME. It’s cool to see though, and makes me feel proud. Trying to be happy for my own success is a bit of a tricky line. On one hand, it’s like “aw hell yeah, this game I made is fuckin awesome and is blowing away everything else”, on the other hand, it can so easily feel like I’m just some dweeb rubbing in the one lucky break I have. I know for a fact it fills Newgrounds with a certain amount of hope, because I know whenever I saw ANYTHING Newgrounds related get any amount of attention it was inspiring. Whether it be Derpixon’s porn animations getting millions of views, or even the Among Us crew having some roots in NG, it all felt like Newgrounds as a whole was slowly taking over. It’s weird to think that me and the other FNF fellas are a part of that, but really something like this I’ve been waiting for ever since I joined the site. It really has been my dream to be a part of a project that could somehow help out Newgrounds in some way. And it ABSOLUTELY happened.

I don’t think there’s a piece of me that’s like, “naw, I don’t deserve this” because I know it’s all sorta just random chance and right place right time lightning in a bottle type shit. Made good plays and most of them worked out VERY well for us.

It’s weird to think of myself or anyone else on the team as ‘famous’. Almost feels a bit in denial, maybe it’s true maybe it’s not. I think especially looking at numbers it’s easy to compare to other game developers I look up to, and it’s weird to think that I’ve been slowly creeping up on them. And of course shit like Twitter followers isn’t the end all be all of success, but like I said it’s just somethin easy to compare to. 

Twitter has definitely been strange, but I don’t think I use it too drastically differently than I used to. I still find myself making dumbass tweets and whatnot. I literally am FLOODED with notifications basically 24/7, to the point where I almost can’t even check my mentions. For a while that’s been overwhelming, to try to keep up with every single comment and reply, but I think I’m slowly realizing that it’s gonna be impossible to make sure everyone gets a piece of my attention. I’m slowly starting to realize that with DM’s as well. I used to try to reply or respond to most questions or messages, but it’s been A LOT, and it’s been spread out through Newgrounds, Tiktok, Twitter, Instagram, and Discord. I really can’t find a place to get away from it other than fully disconnecting, which would probably be good for me to do at some point in time.

It’s weird to think of the potential success. I mean we have a VERY good hand dealt to us right now. The stress I don’t think comes from the possibility of us screwing things up, but almost moreso if we DON’T screw up. Because if we are very successful, it absolutely will be life changing. The thought of having even more than 5000$ in my bank account is crazy, so what’s gonna happen if there’s 10K? 100K? What if this game turns me into a millionaire? If we fumble our chance there’s gonna be a ‘what if’ in the back of our minds for a long time, but at the very least my life will more or less be the same and I’m back to just making dumb little gamejam games. But if we nail it, and everything goes even better than expected, it’s like nothing will be the same. I never grew up with money, I’m still not exactly used to buying myself things too often. At the start of the year was when I had one of my first real jobs ever, and I was able to move out for the first time. At the end of November I moved across Canada to a city in Ontario. That happened not because of the game btw, but it’s like, I think December has just been such a drastic and crazy whiplash for me, and it sorta been makin me lose my mind, just a little bit. Hard to know what things am I doing because I’m just going crazy, or what things am I doing because I sorta ‘changed’ in some form (good or bad). Maybe it’s too personal and real, in case she’s reading this, but did you guys know that I confessed to a girl for the first time ever? Did I do that because I’ve been so stressed with everything? Or do I just have some sort of newfound confidence and I’m just sorta developing as a person? Obviously it’s a mix of both, but it’s always more tempting to think of it as one or the other, and try to overthink in my own mind about it to the point where it feels like I’m short circuiting my brain. That whole situation been complicated but in any case you probably understand my point, where it’s feeling like there’s a chance that all this stress and overwhelming-ness from the game and everything around it is affecting my personal life. 

That’s it for now, there’s a million more things that’s in my head. Usually I do a yearly recap or whatever but oops I just wanted to have something out there about Funkin and my own brain. I’ve been trying to take it easy. Game, watch youtube, relax. But it’s been hard. Even writing this and posting this I know I’m gonna get a good handful of messages and replies telling me to take it easy, oh well. I DONT KNOW ANYHTING LOL. I will say the fact I’m writing this means I’m in a bit of a better situation than I was not too long ago. Felt hard to focus on anything other than game stuff directly, whether it be browse twitter for fanart, program the game, or reply to messages from FANS (it’s weird for me to call people fans but it is what it is I guess). It’s good for me to get these thoughts in writing and whatnot, and get it out so it doesn’t feel as isolating.

Happy new years Newgrounds XDD